The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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