The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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