God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
