She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
