I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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