porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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