I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
