I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
