I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
