i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
