So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
