I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
