boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
