Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
