It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
