Its about making memories worth repressing
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
