u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
