So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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