OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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