Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
