It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
