he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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