Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
