hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Please, let me fuck your mom
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
