Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
