You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
