Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
