Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
