i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
