This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
