I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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