so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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