You kept calling me your small dog last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
