I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
