I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
