birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Boobs are out for the taking
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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