I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
