i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
