I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
