If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
