Already got asked if we're dating
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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