i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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