Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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