quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
