We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
