good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
