woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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