I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
