I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
