I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
