then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
