I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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